https://youtu.be/HcN3VCC8E5c?si=n9sFP08S2fqj-pSm

the line "if i'm the only one being laughed at, it must be the reason i live" reminds me of myself from the recent past (the past few years), who was convinced that she was an alien completely different from everyone else, seen as immature and talkative and too much. i felt special in that time. it is a selfish way to think, but it is somewhat comforting in a self-absorbed, nostalgic, childish, and securing way. isolating from the rest of the world, feeling like you are only the one who has ever felt so alone.

i miss this feeling, but it is better not to have it. i wish i still had a bit of that identity though, as i was less depressed then. something like this song would've changed the way i view the world with its beautiful harmony and choice of sound. i was naive and optimistic then, because i had a clearer sense of who i was supposed to be and art felt newer and more authentic.

even my view of far past art has become skewed because the artificiality of the internet. i am trying to rework this, but it isn't right to live in the past either. i think others are feeling the same way as me since themes of the 2000s are desperately trying to be recreated, but i think all i want is something new. everyone is trying to tread back because they hate the current times. why can't we create something out of the current times instead.