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https://youtu.be/HcN3VCC8E5c?si=n9sFP08S2fqj-pSm

the line "if i'm the only one being laughed at, it must be the reason i live" reminds me of myself from the recent past (the past few years), who was convinced that she was an alien completely different from everyone else, seen as immature and talkative and too much. i felt special in that time. it is a selfish way to think, but it is somewhat comforting in a self-absorbed, nostalgic, childish, and securing way. isolating from the rest of the world, feeling like you are only the one who has ever felt so alone.

i miss this feeling, but it is better not to have it. i wish i still had a bit of that identity though, as i was less depressed then. something like this song would've changed the way i view the world with its beautiful harmony and choice of sound. i was naive and optimistic then, because i had a clearer sense of who i was supposed to be and art felt newer and more authentic.

even my view of far past art has become skewed because the artificiality of the internet. i am trying to rework this, but it isn't right to live in the past either. i think others are feeling the same way as me since themes of the 2000s are desperately trying to be recreated, but i think all i want is something new. everyone is trying to tread back because they hate the current times. why can't we create something out of the current times instead.

https://youtu.be/k72z-KMabXQ?si=p7IieLJBj8uj9vjX ("Girl Who Tends to Look Downcast" by colloid)

https://youtu.be/oRTA5dJbXrM?si=rT4syGQ1yt3wZUWu ("Aquatic Ambience" piano cover by Verdegrand)

it is lovely to listen to music in the rain. it sprinkled for the first time in a while, and i didn't really get into the music that was playing on my playlist until fog started to build up. there was something special about seeing cell towers obscured in fog on a wide open service road. the sky is a completely smooth grey today.

https://youtu.be/sYGVTKAj-zI?si=wl8jHzq4huf1MmKv

here is a song i listened to on my drive home today. the original song is sung by miku. i like how realistic miku sounds in the chorus of the original version, but i don't think iroha's tuning can be beat.

it is drizzling and the sky is grey. although it didn't get darker, it felt like it did when i drove up to my house and saw the porch lights on. the bright white lights dimmed everything else, it felt like i was entering a safe haven in some fantastical crook (it felt like my childhood. there are moments where i feel like im a kid again but they don't last long. i've been trying for a long time to figure out how to get that feeling back for longer). the song itself made me nostalgic for my phase of adventurous, obscure 2000s anime and dreamlike stories.

original song by tiara

nekomura iroha cover by kyaami

https://tiermaker.com/create/videogame-franchises-200-franchises-473596

this one, unlike my last tier list, is based more on my opinion on all of the games combined rather than individual games. that's why series like the last of us and pacman are so low in this tier list compared to my other one.

https://tiermaker.com/create/greatest-videogames-of-all-time-102-games-276925

this is based on my personal enjoyment, not the quality of the game.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nya7hAU6S-o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9j8RtrMzo0

https://youtu.be/liragO0Yg94?si=dwMej1IWeQ3m1T_C

https://youtu.be/LiXXnu7S8nw?si=_8W8WDqJbbScQfC6

https://youtu.be/ju4McQ4BbFA?si=mlORCz4iy1DVZMZt

https://youtu.be/38yhKhGGPJs?si=cMFY4hT1TIDkZkVo

https://youtu.be/2fTXG09-Shc?si=AdO4p4FeXh52rZsR

listened to these while driving to class today. went a slightly different way than usual. i had two very strange dreams last night that involved dogs, kitties, a fancy restaurant, black tortilla chips, a wedding, and some electronic device that wouldn't shut up (it turned out to be my alarm in the real world). a certain character from chainsaw man flirted with me in my dream, which made up for all the negative weirdness.

i have been in a particularly good mood since i woke up. i feel more connected with everything around me. it might be because i signed up for my classes next semester, which seem much more exciting than what i'm taking now.

while listening to music on the way to class, i imagined what my first miku concert is going to be like with my mom. but then i remembered i gave my extra ticket to my brother... i'm sure he'll enjoy it too but i was kind of excited for some mom music bonding.

https://youtu.be/-fSZTvMLIEs?si=_6ybqAJ-ZbD_a_sy

this song has been with me through a lot. i listened to it in middle school, imagining two girls falling in love years before i ever realized i liked women. i listened to it while my grandma was in a coma, shortly before she passed away. this song and nekobolo have been with me for years, and i believe nekobolo is one of the greatest at putting pure emotion to music. i think he is one of the greatest musicians. i am able to recount all of these different times in my life because of nekobolo and similar music. i'd like to make music like his someday, and write songs for all of the lyrics i have imagined to his music. please take a listen.